On DVD Now: Bernie

At Netflix

I usually avoid Jack Black movies. I don’t think he’s as bad as it gets in Hollywood, I just don’t think I’m in his demographic. Had I seen this movie at a Blockbuster or Red Box myself, I would probably would have skipped right past it.

Fortunately though, Angel and Adam saw it and rented it. I was in a ‘meh, whatever’ mood so I decided to approach it with an open, and by that I mean completely empty, mind. I had wine in my glass and a dog in my lap and could pretty much take anything put in front of me.

I’d never heard of the movie and what little Adam and Angel told me about it beforehand didn’t seem familiar or very interesting.

“It’s got Jack Black.” They told me.

“Oh.”

“And Matthew McConaughey.”

“I assume he’ll be taking his shirt off then.” I said, assured that I’d found the reason that Angel rented it.

“And Shirley MacLaine.”

“Now you’re just trying to piss me off.”

“Seriously.”

“Seriously.”

So it started. Jack Black in the title role as Bernie Tiede. Then the ‘Based on a True Story’ screen comes up. I doubted it. Jack hardly plays real people, just larger than life, annoying caricatures of ignorant jerks.

He’s in his car, singing. “Love Lifted Me” An updated, upbeat version of the familiar, tired old hymn. And Jack is actually singing it. “The man has decent pipes!” I whispered to my dog, Pip. She was paying the song some attention as well, not something she does often.

Bernie is a mortician, rather as the character corrects, an assistant funeral director. The early scenes show him as genteel, chubby(puffy in fact), moustached and a little light in the loafers (not judging, just describing). He’s giving a guest lecture on the cosmetic care of the deceased, details, trimming the nails “to match the person” and “Tilt the head just slightly to the right as if to acknowledge the viewers.”

Then the documentary style of the movie kicks in.

The story takes place in Carthage, a small city in eastern Texas, a former natural gas boom town. Throughout the movie we are treated to candid and colorful commentary from Carthage ‘residents’, waxing in past tense about Bernie and all the good things he had done for people and the town.

These characters were marvelous. They seemed genuine. That comforting sweet-tea Texas drawl, the aww-shucks, unflappable attitude. Each told of how nice and friendly Bernie had been.

I wondered where they got these people, they seemed too real to be studio-hired actors. None of them were Hollywood attractive or even remotely like what you’d normally think of as a supporting cast. It was if they’d actually mined the town for real people.

At one funeral Bernie struggles to comfort a wealthy widow. She, according to the townspeople, was not well liked and in fact was considered downright mean, even by her own adult children who no longer communicated with her. Bernie accepts the challenge and starts visiting her home, every day, with gifts of flowers, chocolates, etc. until she finally invites him in.

For the next several months the two start traveling together to exotic locations. MacLaine, as the sour old widow does an outstanding job of being completely unlikable.

Eventually Bernie wins her trust completely and she actually redrafts her will, removing all her children and naming Bernie as the sole beneficiary. She becomes more and more possessive and abusive in their relationship and Bernie soon realizes that she is indeed nothing more than a mean, evil woman.

Then he kills her, Hilarity ensues.
Well, not laugh-out-loud hilarity, but gut-jiggling chuckles anyhow. This is not a laugh-out-loud, over-the-top comedy that Black is famous for. This is a darkish story populated by regular-like people caught in a bizarre and surreal situation.

The townspeople’s reaction to the murder is such that the local prosecutor asks for a change in venue for Bernie’s trial because he doesn’t think he could possibly get a conviction in Carthage, even with Bernie’s confession. This is the opposite reason for which venue changes are usually requested.

This isn’t actually giving the whole movie away. This movie is not a teaser or a surpriser, the story is about the whole story, a character/situation study. One that is in fact, based on real people and events. Were you to Google ‘Bernie Tiede’ you’d find  the whole thing, the real life Bernie, currently serving  a life sentence.

Black’s portrayal of Bernie is fair and respectful. He restrains himself and actually becomes likable and somewhat sympathetic. McConaughey plays the prosecutor, almost a stereotype, but oddly believable and to his credit, he never does take his shirt off.

The movie is fun, light and dark at the same time. It is engaging in a simple, yet rich, ‘Ripley’s Believe it or Not’ way. You wonder just how much is real story and how much is embellishment. The frequent interviews with the 'locals', who are used as much to narrate the story as the actors themselves, becomes, at some point, poignant. There will be a moment for you when you finally get what is actually going on.  

The brilliance and uniqueness of the film is the quiet, gestalt-like connection you will make when it finally all snaps together for you. This will not happen in the same place at the same time for everyone. But I assure you it will happen. Even without that though, it is a nice, friendly, funny and completely enjoyable movie. Even without a dog in your lap.